day x

There’s no one to miss me out there.

There’s no one to bother me in here.

There’s nothing but time.

There’s no limit.

She’s surrounded me with doors, and I haven’t stepped through a single one. I refuse to even move.

I am content to never leave.

day forty

The City’s been still for the past couple of days. Today, there was something different. A door.

I’d never seen it before, and it had no reason to be where it was. Just stuck in the middle of the wall, where a window used to be. Gave it a good look-over, then walked on past.

Turned the corner onto another street. The door again.

That door followed me for a good four hours. Made my way back towards the café, and wouldn’t you know it – there it was. In place of the regular café door. I’m guessing she thought she was being sly.

I just busted through the window and got comfortable in my regular seat. Bled a little, but I didn’t care; it was only a few scrapes. Outside, the wind started picking up again, buffeting the mist about tumultuously – she was upset. I just got up, pressed my ear to the floor, and listened to her breathe.

Not the same as pressing it to the concrete. Like trying to listen through a thick scarf. Still, I just listened for a while, and eventually, the winds died down. Mist settled again, everything went still and dark.

It’s almost always dark, now, which is interesting because I can’t spot the shadows in the night. It’s like they’re avoiding me, too. Although, that girl made me wonder.

Maybe she was one of the shadows. Maybe they aren’t ‘shadows’ at all. Maybe they’re people, like me, and I just can’t see them properly. Maybe to her, I was a shadow. Until she broke through and onto my Main street, that is.

It’s weird to think that way, because I’m not quite as alone, that way.

I’d really prefer to be alone. Just me and her. She can be temperamental, but I’m comfortable here. Better in here than out there.

She’s brewing the winds again.

day thirty-eight

She doesn’t move around as often, I find. I think she might be in a bit of a sulk. I learned, though, that because she isn’t moving for me doesn’t mean she isn’t moving at all.

There was another person. A girl.

I looked to the window, and there she was, dirty and frantic and pale. Stringy hair, shivering badly. Wasn’t dressed for the chill, tiny little top and shorts. And flip-flops. This girl was so impractical, I might have laughed.

She called out to me when she saw me looking. It was like she hadn’t seen another human being in years. She waved in a panic, calling out – asking things about whether or not I was real, if I knew where we were, would I help her, please.

I waited at the doorway, and when she came in, I brought one of the iron chairs down on her head and bludgeoned her to death.

It didn’t look like she appreciated the peace of this place properly. I think I was doing her a favor.

Besides, I think I rather like being on my own.

The City’s been more active tonight. Squirming around like she’s excited about something. I tossed the body out the door, and when I looked an hour ago, the corpse was gone.

day twenty-one

She’s mighty annoyed, now, taking these deep heaving breaths and blowing up a storm. Watching the refuse skitter down the street as she tips things over; a power line came crashing through the window, startled me something awful. Calmed down pretty quick, and she didn’t like that, but she couldn’t do more than rage.

Like a storm assailing a stone. Seems pretty useless, in the end. I’m getting stubborn in my old age, I suppose; little self-deprecating, to say that. Homelessness, that ages you a good twenty years I suppose, so I’ve got all the right in the world and no right at all to say things like that.

Now, for hours, she just kept it up. Moving around, making the wind screech and blow windows in, and the shadows were moving like they were restless. It was a proper tantrum, let me tell you. I just sat, waited, stared out the broken window.

Eventually she calmed down, and that’s when I gave her what she wanted. Picked up the laptop – reasoned that if no one had come back for it in so long, it was free for the taking – and started tidying up the street a little. Set the overturned trash cans back upright, grabbed the litter scattered all over the street. Avoided the glass, it wouldn’t do to get a cut when there are no doctors in sight.

Didn’t take long, and soon, she looked as good as new. Pressed my ear to the ground, and listened to her breathe. She was calm, now.

day seventeen

The living city, she’s having a tiff with me. Every time I blink, she’s changed something. Trying to throw me off-kilter. She doesn’t like that I’m staying put, I don’t think, but she’ll simmer. Best way to deal with tantrums is to ignore them.

She tosses this little café this way and that way. Went to the washroom once and came out to find pieces of the floor were falling away, into black. Shadows fluttering in the corners, but I’m comfortable enough. I haven’t had a computer in forever. Let’s say, in my time they certainly weren’t light enough to hold in your hand. I can spend hours in front of it, and the power source never depletes. I have worlds at my fingertips, now, and you can’t get lost with the world in your hand, now can you?

day fifteen

Every seven days, I wander back to Main street. Air never changes, always with that low mist.

I decided, I’ve spent all this time wandering around. I don’t think I’ll wander this time. I only ever get lost. Not that I mind being lost. It’s a bit refreshing.

I’ll stay put for now. Wander when I’m bored. Sit when I’m done with that. Still not a single human being around, and I can’t say I mind very much. This is the safest I’ve felt in a long time.

day eight

Oddity four: can never find the same street twice. Not on purpose, anyway.

This city changes. As unpredictable as a woman quitting smoking. Every street sign is the same, when there are signs at all. I fall asleep on a street corner and wake up in a house with busted windows or in front of a corner store.

Every store’s empty. I experimented, trying to push some limits. There was a clothing store that I broke into the other day, and I took new clothes. It’s been years since I’ve worn new clothes. I found a security camera, waved right into it, and wandered off, expecting the cops to come all day. No one did. When I woke up in the morning, though, the clothes were gone. Like they’d stripped me in my sleep, put my rags back on, and left me sprawled out on the pavement.

That’s what I forgot.

Oddity five: the shadows.

I know they’re there. There are people, in corners, just out of sight. Shadows that move like they shouldn’t. Makes me think that I can’t be alone in here.

Maybe I’m wrong and it’s just the city, living and breathing. I can feel it breathe, truth. Sometimes when it’s pitch-black, and I’m falling asleep in the middle of the road, I press my ear to the ground and listen. I swear to you, I hear it. Inhale. Exhale. Little rumbles.

Oddity six: the city is alive.